I might as well have had a target on my posterior, bent over ready for the boot.
4 Big Kicks in the Butt I Got for my Vanity and my Spirit of Giving Back in the Name of my friend, the late Sam Moss.
Vanity: Reverb Nation had a special free trial offer and I thought why not and thought it was fun to watch my name climb the site billboards. It made me wonder how it worked and because I realized it was a closed system at best, climbing their charts meant you paid for premium services. I like to see features and whether they are necessary and decided this site is a good way to share music if you have a large following or if you stick to all the free features it is a good place to post songs for others to hear. Meanwhile no notice was given to me that my free trial was expiring and I had kept no reminder to self, so I bounced 3 checks.
Vanity Hurts.
My other painful kick was a 4th bounced check. After my hitherto free services bounced my 3 checks, ebay collected on my donation to breast cancer research., and bounced a 4th check. I decided to donate 25% in honor of Sam-his wife Dido died of breast cancer. Charity hurts. Vanity and Charity bit me in the butt.
All the bounced checks have made me in the negative, negating all the work I did the month of October selling and shipping on ebay. Plus I still owe my son his half ---eaten up by my bounce.
Ouch. Ouch. Ouch and Ouch again. 4 swift kicks when I could have learned with a simple warning letter.
Oh, my aching arse.
But I have to just forget it, sitting on pillows until the bruises heal.
My aching bum is nothing in the scheme of things.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Friday, November 25, 2011
LIke Water
I channel my efforts with my tightropes, and then follow the path of least resistance, just like water.
.
.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Jesus and the Red Words
Jesus was a man. Jesus lived. We love Jesus because we were taught as children how kind and nice and powerful and miraculous he was. While I sang in the Episcopal choir, I was still confirmed and had the good fortune to be given a bible with a new testament with an apocrypha where all that Jesus was reported to have said is written in red.
When I write songs about the words in red, I always mean the apocrypha, for it was an experience to read those red words. To me it said Jesus was all those things I had been told and that he was to be considered a teacher/mentor. He gives us the beautiful and succinct golden rule to live by: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." A quick check with the golden rule, and you can make up your mind about how to behave in any given situation. It teaches us compassion and thoughtful living and gives us a check and balance to live by. I love the golden rule.
But I also distinctly heard him say he is our brother and that we could emulate him but that we should not exalt him but our mutual Father. He tells us there is life after death. He is powerful. He is a social nobody. He is growing in strength, not by military strength, but through love and miraculous works. He has lost years. He befriends the outcasts. Jesus is a rebel. Jesus had a temper.
Still I cannot swallow the idea of drinking Jesus' blood and eating his body because he died to save our sins. How does that work exactly? I don't see how it computes.
I think it was a political murder and people added some zing to control the potential uprising of the masses.
If I am wrong, I am down the chute to hell and I bet my 3 children's immortal souls in the bargain.
The only way I can recognize the Jesus I met through those red words is to proceed with love and compassion, guided by the golden rule. It is a beautifully organized chaos in this world from the spiders web to the cosmos. How could our existence have a trick ending? For surely it is a trick if only the people who parrot the right words are destined for heaven like the Christians say.
Even in the Episcopal church where hell is not often mentioned, I was afraid for my Jewish friends, until I kicked the religion habit and branched out to my own personal Church of KD where all beautiful souls go to heaven because that only makes sense.
I feel brave for shutting my ears to bible-thumping-men-in-white-shoes. I only did it because I vowed to never tell my children anything but verifiable truth. If I didn't know so, we'd look it up (a librarian-ish tendency I've had all my life)
Having very intelligent, genius children, I decided to approach religion like some people think this and some people think that, introducing them to a range of religious ideas instead of indoctrinating them with the faith I grew up with.
This surprised me, although I remember thinking maybe my children would give me insight to my questions someday if I just gave them the facts. We did have a church for awhile, because I thought they would like the social aspects (but they didn't) So we quit and took nature walks instead.
When I write songs about the words in red, I always mean the apocrypha, for it was an experience to read those red words. To me it said Jesus was all those things I had been told and that he was to be considered a teacher/mentor. He gives us the beautiful and succinct golden rule to live by: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." A quick check with the golden rule, and you can make up your mind about how to behave in any given situation. It teaches us compassion and thoughtful living and gives us a check and balance to live by. I love the golden rule.
But I also distinctly heard him say he is our brother and that we could emulate him but that we should not exalt him but our mutual Father. He tells us there is life after death. He is powerful. He is a social nobody. He is growing in strength, not by military strength, but through love and miraculous works. He has lost years. He befriends the outcasts. Jesus is a rebel. Jesus had a temper.
Still I cannot swallow the idea of drinking Jesus' blood and eating his body because he died to save our sins. How does that work exactly? I don't see how it computes.
I think it was a political murder and people added some zing to control the potential uprising of the masses.
If I am wrong, I am down the chute to hell and I bet my 3 children's immortal souls in the bargain.
The only way I can recognize the Jesus I met through those red words is to proceed with love and compassion, guided by the golden rule. It is a beautifully organized chaos in this world from the spiders web to the cosmos. How could our existence have a trick ending? For surely it is a trick if only the people who parrot the right words are destined for heaven like the Christians say.
Even in the Episcopal church where hell is not often mentioned, I was afraid for my Jewish friends, until I kicked the religion habit and branched out to my own personal Church of KD where all beautiful souls go to heaven because that only makes sense.
I feel brave for shutting my ears to bible-thumping-men-in-white-shoes. I only did it because I vowed to never tell my children anything but verifiable truth. If I didn't know so, we'd look it up (a librarian-ish tendency I've had all my life)
Having very intelligent, genius children, I decided to approach religion like some people think this and some people think that, introducing them to a range of religious ideas instead of indoctrinating them with the faith I grew up with.
This surprised me, although I remember thinking maybe my children would give me insight to my questions someday if I just gave them the facts. We did have a church for awhile, because I thought they would like the social aspects (but they didn't) So we quit and took nature walks instead.
Big Red Bow
I spend time organizing, with a need to get things "where they go." I want my organizable life to be neat and orderly, tied up with a big red bow.
My Empty Nest is Not Empty
I have an empty nest, true, but I am realizing motherhood is forever, and I have many gifts left to share with my grown children and their families.
1) I need to thrive so they have no worries about me. They can think about me and smile.
2) I need to be healthy and clearheaded until the end of my life. I do not want to be a burden.
3) I want to be there for my children and my future grandchildren. I want to live long.
4) I want to be healthy of mind and spirit, as well as body, so my children will want my grandchildren to be around me. I want to love and share and show my grandchildren the world through my whimsical eyes. I want my children to see the magic they have forgotten, our magic, the magic we made with love, learning, laughter, and song.
5) No matter how old my children are, I want to hug them, hug them tight. If they need me, I will be there.
6) I want no news to always mean good news. I will communicate but if I don't, my children will always know I'm doing great, and vice versa.
7) I must be financially secure: No rescues from my children. I need to be smart and plan this well at this juncture. As this is my weak spot, it will take some concentration and effort to achieve financial security. This should be my focus now until it is achieved. It is still uncertain how: I want to be compensated for being writer of story and song and feel this is entirely achievable and doable and righteous. I can also be a librarian who writes or a touring singer/songwriter. I feel as if I can still follow my passions and make a living, but it can't be a squeaking by existence as it's been or I'll be a beggar at my life's end.
1) I need to thrive so they have no worries about me. They can think about me and smile.
2) I need to be healthy and clearheaded until the end of my life. I do not want to be a burden.
3) I want to be there for my children and my future grandchildren. I want to live long.
4) I want to be healthy of mind and spirit, as well as body, so my children will want my grandchildren to be around me. I want to love and share and show my grandchildren the world through my whimsical eyes. I want my children to see the magic they have forgotten, our magic, the magic we made with love, learning, laughter, and song.
5) No matter how old my children are, I want to hug them, hug them tight. If they need me, I will be there.
6) I want no news to always mean good news. I will communicate but if I don't, my children will always know I'm doing great, and vice versa.
7) I must be financially secure: No rescues from my children. I need to be smart and plan this well at this juncture. As this is my weak spot, it will take some concentration and effort to achieve financial security. This should be my focus now until it is achieved. It is still uncertain how: I want to be compensated for being writer of story and song and feel this is entirely achievable and doable and righteous. I can also be a librarian who writes or a touring singer/songwriter. I feel as if I can still follow my passions and make a living, but it can't be a squeaking by existence as it's been or I'll be a beggar at my life's end.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Shake it UP
I am surprised in the mirror.
I am so still.
Inwardly there is the noise and activity of a convention, and still I am still except for my twitching eye.
I am so still.
Inwardly there is the noise and activity of a convention, and still I am still except for my twitching eye.
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