Thursday, October 6, 2011

Secret Exhibitionist Chases Moonbeams

It's just like me to keep a web blog and then keep it a secret. I can say anything if there are no faces I know attached.  I am probably isolated in cyber-space again and it pleases rather than distresses. I am a Secret Exhibitionist leaving a digital trail of the many faces of Katherine Dashiell Rouse, aka KD. Whether anyone ever cares isn't an issue for me because Martha Graham said so, and I believe her.

Expectations must weigh heavily on one's shoulders if one becomes popular. If you "make it," where is "it" exactly?" I know the Music Industry and Fans of the Famous have trouble accepting changes in their idols,  who are denied personal musical evolution, phases and stages, exploration, and changes. They better love, love, love whatever album breaks because you will be playing it over and over,  matter how their music may have or could have changed over time.  Neil Young was sued by his own record company for "not sounding like himself," Prince was locked in a cage (that he beat) and Dylan was booed off the stage when he played an electric set of his songs and the crowd expected his acoustic self. Fame can limit your freedom to play music. I have some pretty impressive recordings but nothing is yet good enough to release to what I hear in my head. Given all my studio attempts were free or meagerly funded slap dash attempts, I think I've done well. Recording is difficult for me-separating my guitar part from vocals as they are linked in my mind and fingers, but recording is what I want to do above all tasks. I want my album to be the quality of what  I hear in my head, things above my ability on guitar. The wholeness, the richness, the creaminess and dreaminess of the album in my head will be the album I realize. I hope I am not just chasing moonbeams.

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