Me and St Pete

I have imagined God as a game show host where we all go down the chute to hell (Father, Son, and Game Show Host by KD Rouse)
I had a day dream about playing "Defend Your Life" with St. Peter at the Gate too.
"Well, " he booms like thunder. "What do you have to say for yourself?"
All I can think of is "Plop, plop. Fizz, fizz. Oh what a relief it is."
 I see him scowl and all I can think of to say is "I''d rather fight than switch."
"Excuse me?" he roars.
"This tastes like butter!" I exclaim.
St Peter reddens so I keep trying.
"You're in good hands with Allstate." I chirp.
"Enough!" he yells.

I warble "Have it your way!"
"Do you not understand the gravity of this occasion?" splutters St. Pete. "Your immortal soul is at stake."
"SOOOOUUUUULLLLLLLL TRAIN, " I sing. " Save 15% on sole while quantities last, " I say.  "We cook your steak to perfection."
"Lord, Lord," says St. Peter, with his face in his hands. "Why hast thou forsaken me? I get all the crazies."
"Fear not, " I say, "For the angel of the Lord is upon you."
St Peter snorts. "You don't mean you do you? It's up to me if you get your wings and so far I haven't understood a wor..."
"Fly with me!" I sing. "Come fly with me!"
"That does it!" yells St Peter. "Century after century I've done this. GO on, Go on in. Let HIM deal with you. I quit!"